Playing with Fire

Out of boredom and sexual constipation I downloaded Tinder and although I decided I didn’t want to hook up with the folks on there I still had a blast and learned a lot.

Tinder is well known for a very specific reason. Its an app to get single people with somewhat similar interest that live close by together for anything from relationships to 10k followers on Instagram. The way the app works is that you sign in using Facebook, it grabs a collection of (admittingly pretty cool) photos of you to put on your profile. It also list your job, school or both. Everything can be edited if you don’t like the pictures Tinder chose or if you want your job and education to remain private. It’s up to you to come up with a interesting but clear bio of what your looking for. It’s also very easy to make people run (or swipe) in the opposite direction.

This post isn’t referring to EVERYONE on Tinder, but it is a pattern of behaviors I’ve notice during my time Tindering. The following is the quickest ways to lose right swipes on Tinder. Take notes.

1. If you are a 27 year old and your photo look like you took it with a Blackberry. Issa DUB! If you’re TRYING to attract people to your whole self please deviated from the under-chin, puffer faced grandpa selfies. You look like you don’t know what a smart phone is and the camera surprised you.
2. J.Cole said don’t worship false prophets so steer clear of the fake deep people on Tinder. These types usually have some vague quote in their bio that doesn’t tell you anything about who they are or what they are looking for. It’s meant to be an indication of intelligence but they just sound high and like they’re trying too hard. 
3. Folks that try to “sell” themselves based on what they think you want will be swiped to the left, to the left, with swiftness. These Tinder salespeople, as I like to call them, talk about how cool, open and adventurous they are. Somehow every time you hit them up they been in the house all day. These are the types that only like food they mother made and scared of role play. Boy bye.
4.  You know the people who have been on Tinder too long with no luck because their bio is angry and standoffish. LMAO who do you expect to attract with that thick coating of salt! Relax, no need to give suitors deadlines to hit you up once y’all match. Besides if it hasn’t been working out my guy, it might just be you.
5. There’s also folks who, for hours, will talk about what they do “for a living”. Honestly, you sound like a scammer asking how much a person makes or what benefits they job provide. You could be proud of your job, that’s cool, but I mean is that all you bring to the table? People want to meet *insert name* not *insert profession*. Unmatch.
6. And what is a hook up app without fuckboys? You can spot them if their bio says their nationality, horoscope, height or is just an array of emojis. Sometimes all of the above for good measure. Fuckboys come in all shapes, sizes, races and genders so don’t assume only fine Puerto Rican dudes are gonna waste your time.

 

Have you been or do you know people that have been described in this list? Share it on Facebook, Twitter and if you’re on Tinder maybe this info will help you match more. See ya!