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Playing with Fire

Out of boredom and sexual constipation I downloaded Tinder and although I decided I didn’t want to hook up with the folks on there I still had a blast and learned a lot.

Tinder is well known for a very specific reason. Its an app to get single people with somewhat similar interest that live close by together for anything from relationships to 10k followers on Instagram. The way the app works is that you sign in using Facebook, it grabs a collection of (admittingly pretty cool) photos of you to put on your profile. It also list your job, school or both. Everything can be edited if you don’t like the pictures Tinder chose or if you want your job and education to remain private. It’s up to you to come up with a interesting but clear bio of what your looking for. It’s also very easy to make people run (or swipe) in the opposite direction.

This post isn’t referring to EVERYONE on Tinder, but it is a pattern of behaviors I’ve notice during my time Tindering. The following is the quickest ways to lose right swipes on Tinder. Take notes.

  1. If you are a 27 year old and your photo look like you took it with a Blackberry. Issa DUB! If you’re TRYING to attract people to your whole self please deviated from the under-chin, puffer faced grandpa selfies. You look like you don’t know what a smart phone is and the camera surprised you.front camera seal
  2. J.Cole said don’t worship false prophets so steer clear of the fake deep people on Tinder. These types usually have some vague quote in their bio that doesn’t tell you anything about who they are or what they are looking for. It’s meant to be an indication of intelligence but they just sound high and like they’re trying too hard. severe eyeroll
  3. Folks that try to “sell” themselves based on what they think you want will be swiped to the left, to the left, with swiftness. These Tinder salespeople, as I like to call them, talk about how cool, open and adventurous they are. Somehow every time you hit them up they been in the house all day. These are the types that only like food they mother made and scared of role play. Boy bye.giphy.gif
  4.  You know the people who have been on Tinder too long with no luck because their bio is angry and standoffish. LMAO who do you expect to attract with that thick coating of salt! Relax, no need to give suitors deadlines to hit you up once y’all match. Besides if it hasn’t been working out my guy, it might just be you.Lafaette sips tea.gif
  5. There’s also folks who, for hours, will talk about what they do “for a living”. Honestly, you sound like a scammer asking how much a person makes or what benefits they job provide. You could be proud of your job, that’s cool, but I mean is that all you bring to the table? People want to meet *insert name* not *insert profession*. Unmatch.bored to death.PNG
  6. And what is a hook up app without fuckboys? You can spot them if their bio says their nationality, horoscope, height or is just an array of emojis. Sometimes all of the above for good measure. Fuckboys come in all shapes, sizes, races and genders so don’t assume only fine Puerto Rican dudes are gonna waste your time.fuckboys.jpg

 

Have you been or do you know people that have been described in this list? Share it on Facebook, Twitter and if you’re on Tinder maybe this info will help you match more. See ya!

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Who’s Your Revolutionary Heroine?

Women’s History Month Edition

The history of struggle and revolution has never been without women. These revolutionary women have varying points of view, end goals, personalities and backgrounds that many of us can identify with. But sometimes their politics might differ slightly or you think you’re just too different to recognize your champion.

I found mine and I want to share who she is with you. It is Women’s History Month after all, right?

The spirit of Claudia Jones guides me to be a tool for change, resistance and progress for marginalized communities. She was a Trinidadian born, revolutionary communist and feminist who was heavily involved in grassroots activism. She became active in Harlem, New York and was involved in the Young Communist League, Congress of American Women, National Council of Negro Women.

She understood and used the power of her journalism to battle injustice. She encouraged Afro, Asian and Caribbean people to resist imperialism and global exploitation because of her Pan-African ideas. She recognized that class exploitation, white supremacy and male dominance all needed to be addressed all at once to prevent false consciousness. To me, Claudia sees the big picture and instead of giving up because the problems were so complicated and grand, she continuously pushed towards a “socialist America”.

She is known for popularizing the idea of triple oppression within The Communist Party. The idea explores how black women are at a three way hinge of gender oppression (often within the race), racism, AND class struggle. Whew! It also acknowledges that black women need to lead the fight for change in all these systems. Don’t assume she expects black women to do all the work but understand that white women only set out to accomplish political and socio-economic equality with white men. Likewise black men fail to understand that white supremacy doesn’t account for gender discrimination and/or abuse within a race (black or white). Also black women experience poverty different because of this triple oppression.

She strongly believed that black women had to do the work for themselves and not be afraid of taking the lead where black men or white women imagined responsibility.She shared her views on race and class as fascism within American capitalism knowing it would land her in jail. And it did. She was described as being left of Karl Marx because she believed capitalism alone didn’t account for sexism and racism. After her health deteriorated while incarcerated she was released and later deported to England. She died in London and is buried literally left of Karl Marx  in Highgate cemetery. Her ideas were so well rounded, thought out and studied that you HAVE to at least read her most popular work, An End To The Neglect of The Problems of The Negro Woman.

I smiled reading about this incredible woman because I saw so much of myself in her. Sometimes I question my efforts for social change in the US when my home country has problems of it’s own. Claudia Jones’ life, however, revitalizes me and serves as a reminder that problems must be tackled at the intersection. American influence over the global south gains it’s power from capitalism so it must be uprooted…and then progress can happen around the world. At least I think so.

Claudia may (or may not, that’s cool) hit you as close but there are thousands of women to draw inspiration, guidance and knowledge from. Before March is up and we’re on to pulling cruel “pranks” on people, find your revolutionary heroine. Tell me who it is and why in the comments. #revolutionaryheroinechallenge

 

Notes taken from my brain & Lynn, Denise. “Socialist Feminism and Triple Oppression: Claudia Jones and African American Women in American Communism.” Journal for the Study of Radicalism, vol. 8, no. 2, 2014, pp. 1–20., www.jstor.org/stable/10.14321/jstudradi.8.2.0001.

We’re ALL #HurtBae IRL

We’ve all seen the heart wrenching video of an ex girlfriend talking to her cheating ex-boyfriend courtesy of The Scene. The internet world moves fast so as a refresher; the girl confronts the cheating ex dude and it gets emotional (on her part). She cries as she reflects on their tragic time together as ole boi is chilling seemingly unaffected.

Social media didn’t waste time. They made parodies, found her Instagram and hailed her beauty, but mostly they pointed out how they would act “if it was me”. Everybody had an opinion. Women and men alike saying she’s dumb for not leaving him or how could he cheat on such a pretty girl (which is a whole other story). People’s imaginary situations made it seem like they were so strong that they would never allow a partner to hurt them.

But that’s sooooo not true. We all hurt and more times that not we put up with it.

Our partners hurt us and it isn’t always related to infidelity. Here’s 6 ways a partner can hurt you and still hold the Bae😘❤ title.

  1. They aren’t emotionally available– Speaking from experience mental health issues can be a factor in the lack of emotional availability your partner can provide, that’s something you can’t help. I’m talking about people who don’t have mental health issues but feel distant. Your partner may be waiting for a way out or is preoccupied with their own personal problems so the relationship suffers. You might feel lonely, rejected, unimportant, unloved, or you might feel empty.
  2. They aren’t dependable– In any working relationship everyone involved depends on the other(s) for emotional, physical, financial or religious support. Sometimes all the above. Think of a time when you counted on your partner and they let you down. Like, they were supposed to pick up the kids and they forgot. My parents are personally guilty of this😔. If your partner is consistently fucking up, is it worth it? Like overspending on the monthly budget every month or not putting in work in the bedroom. Being with someone who doesn’t have their shit together isn’t easy.
  3. They don’t have the same plans– You might be thinking long term but your partner is here while it’s good. Your mind is on vacation spots for the next year and your partner is planning for next Friday. You might want to travel the world but your partner needs someone more stable. As relationships mature one may want to explore their sexuality (maybe with multiple partners) while the other is uncomfortable with their partner’s curiosity. That doesn’t make them (or you) a bad person but it does mean you both have different #relationshipgoals.
  4. They get into drama– Particularly for LGBTQ folks in the closet, they have to walk a fine line between their relationship with their boo and their family/work/friends. First, your partner has to be able to keep a secret and secondly they have to be okay with being the secret. But on a less serious note, some partners may get into problems and cause beef. Then you and your auntie ain’t talking cuz your boo dissed her food. Messy. If your other half is always starting drama you might want to reconsider being with them or you’ll never get invited to Christmas dinner.
  5. They are a work in progress– Often times we get into relationships with people who are very different from us, be it maturity, intellect, house keeping habits, etc. However, what once drew us to these alien folk begins to drives us crazy after a while. I think women in particular hatch this plan of getting a regular degular and ‘cleaning’ them up in hopes of creating the perfect partner. Like K Michelle said, “Can’t raise a man” Relationships are hard enough tbh.
  6. They don’t give you the love you want– Know that nothing you do obligates your partner to do ANYTHING and vice versa. While relationships are about compromises you can’t make someone treat you better by treating them like royalty. Everyone expresses their love differently so if you need someone to hold you day in and out, you must seek out someone who gives love in that way. The flip side to that is they gotta be pleased by the way you give love also. For example, some want to receive love through gifts, while they give love with kind gestures. The compatibility has to go both ways. If the partner giving the gifts isn’t happy with kind gestures they aren’t receiving love in that relationship.

See? There are worst things your partner can do to hurt you besides cheating. Kourtney Jorge a.k.a #Hurtbae seemed to bounce back just fine after floundering for so long with Leonard so there’s hope. Obviously there are other things a partner can do to hurt you but I decided to focus on the problems that don’t get discussed often. Comment below of anything I missed that you think should be on the list.

When and Where I Enter (a no phone distractions reading)

Well hey, it’s Black History Month so we gonna get into some Black literature and Black feminist thought (mine to be specific). An old man lent me this book in a totally non-weird situation and I’ve fallen in love with it. So instead of saying he lent it to me let’s say he GAVE it to me. My first thoughts were to write an analysis or reflection of the brilliant work of Paula Giddings’ When and Where I Enter. But page after page went on and it was saturated with potent points on the intersectionality of race and sex that no analysis (unless its a graduate thesis) would do justice to it. So instead I decided to write about me reading the book. I’m a millennial so ofc- me. Anywho, I think everyone and anyone needs to read this book, completely undisturbed, and I’ll tell you why.

*Sparkly transition in to a flashback* Like last week my phone was stolen and due to overwhelming anger and low funds I refused to buy another. I swore I’d live like the ole days and listen to performers and beggars on the subway or pay attention to where I was walking. That didn’t exactly make my day so I pulled the old man’s “donation” out and took it with me to work. As a twenty-three year old I usually read with headphones in for white noise so I can focus on my reading. Well I’ve found that I’ve been doing it wrong! I read a lot more and gained a deeper understanding of what I was reading when Drake isn’t crying in my ear at the same time that Patricia Collins was filling my brain.

Part I opens with a powerful ass quote from Toni Morrison that would make a great bio for a dope black women empowerment Instagram page. It says”…she had nothing to fall back on; not maleness, not whiteness, not ladyhood, not anything. And out of the profound desolation of her reality she may well have invented herself.” Sheesh! I read this over and over and felt the truth hit my core each time. The ideology of a strong independent Black woman can be an entire college program and Giddings would definitely be required reading. If you think about it, Black women don’t take after anyone or anything but themselves. We create, we take charge, we defy and we protect ourselves and others (even those who don’t have our best interest at heart). When and Where I Enter erected a pride and respect for Black womanhood that I was merely familiar with.

Everyday I squeezed onto the 2 train, and whether I was sitting or swaying with the sharp turns of the reckless conductor, I was glued to sentence after sentence. Giddings made use of every word, each one had a real impact on the entire text. There was so much history and stories of Black women killing it that I found something fresh and new to love as these complex womens’ lives were shared with me in 357 pages. And don’t get me wrong, I didn’t just absorb everything the book expressed without critique. In my head I was making counter arguments paragraph by paragraph but the chapter wouldn’t end without addressing my thoughts and setting me at ease.

But more than the theoretical, critical and historical (supa-hot)fire Giddings laid out was her unapologetic sass framing her honest and intelligent research. I would be snapping my fingers with one hand, clutching the text with the other and “mhmming” from the Bronx to midtown Manhattan. I gave no fucks about my fellow confused straphangers. Lowkey Paula and I were politicking through the yellowed pages. I caught myself laughing out loud at some points, smirking at her wit but also feeling deep sharp pain reading the cruelty she documented.

I hope this has convinced you to get acquainted with Paula Giddings and all the Black women she features in her book like, Maria Stewart, Ida B. Wells, Mary Church Terrell, Susan B Anthony, Anna Julia Cooper and soooooo much more. If not, at least silence your phone while reading for a more comprehensive interpretation

First blog post- Ayyy!

Welcome,

My name is Safiyyah …um, I started this blog as a way to express my opinions, experiences and talk about my life. I love writing and discussing topics ranging from sex and health to relationships, activism, the arts and politics. I avoided sticking to a niche category because I wanted this blog to serve as a complex representation of Black people, queer identity and political affiliation. Fuck stereotypes tbh. No one exist as just a Democrat or a gay person or whatever other identity they can take on. We are all full blown humans with unique interest, talents and energies.

I share a little in the about page but I’m a pansexual Afro-Caribbean woman living in New York City so my blog will cover topics from my perspective.

I hope you enjoy my content, I hope to improve- It’s gonna be great! Check out my other social medias and comment or w.e. ILY.